2 May, 2008

Adeyemi Paul, Freetown

Give Yourself Credit for Doing Well

I know that people often say, self-credit or self praise is no recommendation but I think the world can be a pretty harsh place if people can be critical or unappreciative of what we do or how hard we try to do them.

Even worse, however, is when we are our own harshest critics.  Many people have trouble believing they have done well, even when they are told so by others.  They dismiss short compliments, feeling like they have failed or thinking that they could have done better.

The problem is that such an over critical attitude makes it difficult to find the pleasure and joy in your life and in what you accomplish.

My younger brother, Walton Paul, refers to this as minimizing the positive, like looking through the wrong end of the telescope, it makes your accomplishments look smaller, rather than magnifying them.

It can be a difficult problem, but one that can be solved.  A starting point to break that circle of negative thinking is simply to remind yourself of your positive strengths.

One helpful exercise is to take a piece of paper and make a list of five things you know you've done right. They don't have to be things you do perfectly, just ones you do well. Your list might include, work hard to be a good man (or woman).  Or I care about my family, friends and try to help them when help is needed If you are currently overly critical of yourself, it might seem difficult to find out five items for your list.  But take your time and think about those things you care about and try to do them well.  If you come up with five items, write them all down and think about them very carefully.

This is a private list, one meant to help you appreciate you. Put your completed list in your wallet or purse.  Then, over the next couple of weeks, whenever someone compliments you and you find yourself thinking the praise wasn't deserved, pull out your list.

Rather than convincing yourself you didn't do well, look at those things where you know you succeeded and remind yourself that actually you are a person deserving of praise and compliments.  You might even want to add the latest compliment to your list.

If such exercises don't help, and you find you can't break that circle of excessive self-criticism, seek advice from an older person or a mentor who through their experience can offer wise guidance to help you stop magnifying the negative and to discover a life that is more positive and enjoyable.

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